Coming Clean....

The other day I read a girlfriend's blog about adjusting to life with three little ladies. It was so well written, and honest. I found myself audibly responding to my computer screen-"YES, OMG-you took the words out of my mouth,-and Preach it woman!" You can read her blog here http://beallthereblog.blogspot.com/2013/09/truth-telling-reflections-on-my-first.html


At any rate I have been mulling over the idea of writing/documenting my own truths about being a mom of two. Ever since Zachie has been born I have been extremely reflective about motherhood, and life in general. I am constantly in awe of families with more than two children. Those mom's are super heroes to me. Seriously-I don't know how you do it. You are amazing!!!

 Let me preface this with I am beyond thankful for my boys. I feel blessed and grateful for their little lives. I am fine, don't freak out.

1. Siblings-Watching Noah be a big brother is fantastic. He is Zachie's biggest (literally) playmate. Zachie desperately wants to play with Noah and catch up to his brother. Watching that dynamic is fascinating to me. The downside is that sometimes Noah gets put on the back burner because I have to tend to Zach. It pains me to see Noah's face when I tell him "not now Noah, I have to be with the baby right now." I have also had to really monitor Noah with Zach. Zach has been dropped, yelled at, and manhandled sometimes on purpose and sometimes not. Teaching Noah how to handle Zach has been bananas.

2.  Alone time-you might think that this involves "me" time. Oh but you are sorely mistaken.  I don't recall the last time I was alone. Alone time is my one on one time with each dude in my life. I now do dates with Noah or Shannon. Zachie's dates are in the middle of the night.  Shannon and I have had minimal dates, but we are working on that. It is so much work.  Church is our weekly date-free child care, and we get spiritually fed. We have our coffee, and sit for an hour of peace. It's fantastic. Noah's dates tend to be a run to target, the park, a bike ride, or every night when we read stories. It is purposeful and intentional.

3. My body-it's a hot mess. I've never been the picture of a fit body-but it's pretty pitiful right now. In my heart I really want to be fit-it's just been really different this time.  It's been super difficult to get back on a running schedule. I have a million excuses-lack of sleep, lack of sleep, lack of sleep, work, time, I'd rather be in bed etc. I signed up for a 10K in January, and I need to get my rear in gear. It's gonna happen. Mark my words-it is going to happen.

4. I'm a bad friend.  I apologize for the lack of communication, missed play dates, lack of texts,  and phone calls.  I will return eventually.

5.  Shannon and I laugh a lot about raising Zach. With Noah I read every book, and got daily email updates about baby development. This time-it's not happening. I'm constantly saying out loud....is this normal? My 7th month old is crawling, sprouted two teeth, talking, and pulling himself up. I have the books, and the internet at my fingertips, but I am just too lazy to actually read it. Poor Zachie.

6.  I find joy in getting rid of baby gear and clothes. My house looks, and feels like a daycare.  I do get nostalgic about certain baby clothes, and I am keeping some. BUT- I am not a pack rat. With Noah I saved every baby item knowing that we would eventually have a second. As Zachie grows we donate, sell, or give the baby stuff away. I find such pleasure in organizing and cleaning things out. I nest year round constantly.

7. The most difficult emotion for me is that I have struggled with not feeling like I can do anything 100%.  I want to give 100% to my job, my kids, and Shannon. It's been really, really hard. Going back to work rocked my world.  I just had to come to terms with living in the moment. Wherever I am I give 100% at that moment. When I am at work I give 100%, but when I leave work I am done. It's my family time. While this sounds like a simple concept it took me the whole first quarter to figure this out.

8. We are done with kids. I have been pregnant 5 times in the last 5 1/2 years; gave birth once and had two c-sections. My pregnancies were not easy at all. I didn't glow, or look adorable. I was cranky, puked A LOT, exhausted, uncomfortable, and was in pain. I appreciate that I was able to go through the process of being pregnant. It was a pretty amazing experience. But we are done. Our family feels complete. Shannon and I are happy. No-we are not going to try for a girl.

9. We got a cleaning lady.  Time is money, and time is valuable. A cleaning lady is worth the money and financial sacrifice to our family. We love it.

10. It is so awesome to see how different our boys are. Their personalities are so incredibly different. It amazed me how much I love each of my boys. Noah is so snuggly, sensitive, has incredible comedic timing, and can be the tasmanian devil. Zachie is the happiest baby on earth, super social, strong, and very curious. Shannon and I look forward to see how they will make a difference in the world.